"I am alive and kicking"

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Friday, August 21, 2015

A contemplation on death

Despite being very much alive, I do think a lot about death.
Take for instance, I often think of my mother, who is dead. We didn't have a good relationship, but I got to say my piece and say goodbye before she died. I kind of regret I wasn't physically by her side when she left this world, but I'm at peace with that.
I often think of my great-grandmother, for whom I am named. My grandmother has told me so many stories about Grandma Annie that I feel I knew her, even though she died two years before I was born. I have even visited Grandma Annie's grave on many occasions, just to say hi.
Daily, I remember my mother-in-law, who so greatly enriched my life. She died young and it still irritates me no one seemed to think to say out loud the cancer had returned. It irritates me most that the doctors didn't seem to take her history into account.
I've mentally organized my last wishes. I do not want to be stuck in a box for eternity -- I find it creepy. My remains will be cremated and spread in several locations, in order to ensure the freedom of my spirit.
This may sound a little weird, but would you want to be stuck underground in a box, which is placed inside another box, for the rest of time?
I've visited cemeteries in which no one I know is buried. I'm fascinated by old gravestones. I don't know what it is about them, it's just wonderfully creepy and deeply sad all at the same time. Many old cemeteries contain so many infant markers, however, that the sadness is overwhelming.
Not knowing for sure what the afterlife holds isn't of great concern to me. Do we come back in another life? Do we move on to heaven or hell? Do we just rot in the ground, eventually forgotten by the world?
Almost unfathomable questions worth pondering sometime.
But I say, enjoy life while you're here. Mourn those you've lost, though don't wail "misery and woe" the rest of your life. They would want you to live. And perhaps, take some time to plan as much as you can for your own death. No one wants to be stuck with the bill or heartache of having to plan for your last arrangements on their own.

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